The thing about trauma is that it NEVER goes away. We can only learn how to live a comfortable life while finding healthy ways to process the triggers when they undoubtedly show up. I do not remember much about my early childhood when I was first put into the foster care system, but the ones that I remember are horrible. There are so many things I can explain to you that would give someone nightmares. I will share the daily battle I faced and the war I won as I struggled against things I had no control over as a child.

I was introduced to ‘the system’ around the age of 3. My siblings and I were left in a booth in McDonalds in Downtown Seattle in the early 90’s. My birth mother was a drug and alcohol addicted prostitute. She was young and in her teens when she gave birth. Foster care was something my young mind could not process. The first 6 years of my life are completely blacked out of my memory. There are a few things I could talk about that I remember since starting therapy. I was given to a foster family that lived in Bellingham WA, (the middle of nowhere) in the woods. They had a few other foster children there and two children of their own. This home was a house of horrors. I was there from age 3 to 5 or 6. I can't really tell you. The abuse that I endured in this home was earth shattering. My first memory was being sexually assaulted – this went on for the year or so that I was there. My entire reality was being a vessel for abuse. It was awful.

My siblings and I were adopted a couple of years after being in foster care. However, my adoptive parents got divorced when I was 8. My adoptive mom was extremely abusive. The emotional, mental, and physical torment I endured was unfathomable. I was kicked out of the house at 15 and was put on the street never to return to that awful home. I have been on my own ever since. I vowed to myself when I was 15 while bouncing from couches to streets to make a difference. I was with my siblings up until I was kicked out. I am very close with my brother who is now retired from the Air Force after doing a few tours. He lives with me and my kids now and is a great role model for my son. I never experienced true authentic love. I was used and abused by everyone who was supposed to protect and love me. I met my now ex-husband at the age of 20 and suffered extreme domestic abuse for about 5 years. The only positive to come from that situation are my two beautiful kids. I have a daughter, Maddison, who is 12 and a 13-year old son named Benjamen. I ran away from my ex-husband when he was in jail and lived in homeless shelters with my kids until I could get on my feet. I put myself through college and I now have dual BA degrees in psychology and social work. I am now in Las Vegas where my siblings and birth mother live.

The relationship between my birth mother and myself is strained. I forgive her. However, I am always on alert to protect my children and myself because of all that I have endured. My mom is still an active alcoholic and is not stable. She is not someone that I allow myself to engage with daily. There is not much a birth mother can say with any feeling of love to their child who has been in foster care because of being abandoned by the birth mother. The hardest part for her to accept is that I am an accomplished adult with babies of my own who I make sure to put first. The time for her to be a parent has passed. I do not view her as a mother to me. We have a very fragile friendship – due to her own behaviors.

When I first moved to Las Vegas, I took a job at the Salvation Army as a lead case manager for Rapid Rehousing Continuum of Care program. I worked with single adults faced with chronic homelessness and drug issues. I really enjoyed the job as well as helping others with their rent, getting jobs, getting into counseling, and things of that nature. The social work burnout happened quickly. I found that I could do more to help society and others by working with children. I am so passionate about being there for others, especially now being the person I needed to be when I was younger. Society drops the ball when it comes to mental health and providing sufficient help for kids. These needy kids fall through the cracks with misdiagnoses, lack of empathy, and lack of true understanding by caseworkers of what trauma really is. When I came across the job opening for Child Haven, I knew this is what I wanted to do. Being hands on right in the thick of the storm. I was this child. I have succeeded and become a mom the hard way without any knowledge or role models of how to be a parent. I raised myself during such a pivotal time. Understanding the feeling of abandonment, fear, and anger and trying to process these things all while trying to survive and feel safe in an unknown place with strangers are a lot for a young girl’s developing mind. Being able to be there in tough times and guide these kids that are going through the worst time in their life is what I live for. It gives me hope for their future. It also makes me appreciate my progress in life and knowing that my children will always have their Mama close by and who went through hell and fought to get where I am. I currently go to EMDR therapy to help with complex PTSD and anxiety disorders. I attend weekly. It is a grueling process. This is all to make myself the best version I can be. My kids appreciate the work I do. My son always says – Mama, you get to give them love that they never experienced other than at Child Haven. I am so thankful for Children’s Service Guild whose unwavering generosity and love for children help support Child Haven.

I am proud to share my Success Story.